Time (lol) to get back in the saddle.

OK! So it's been a while (lol) since I raged at a game. Mostly because I've been engulfed in a game from the past (lol) that's been consuming a lot of my gaming time (lol). I recently (lol) bought a Nintendo 3DS to replace my old (lol) DS Lite... nothing was (lol) wrong with it, it was (doublelol) just pink. This game is The Legend of Zelda, Ocarina of Time in 3D. (For those wondering what the lols were for, that was me keeping track. 8 references to time in the opening paragraph, but I'll stop now :P )

The Ocarina of Time remake had my attention the instant I saw the commercial on tv. After being sold out everywhere for several weeks, I finally got fed up and went across the boarder to the states to get a copy. For the last two weeks I've been frying my eyes with the 3D feature and confusing passersby by moving the 3DS when it came time to use a ranged weapon. Both of those features add a new spark to a game that pretty much MADE my childhood (alongside Megaman 64). The only negatives of the game that I can think of are these: The 3D feature is kinda tricky to get right, as it is with any game on the 3DS, but my biggest concern is how much it guzzles the battery. Option A is to get short, concentrated bursts of LoZ, or, Option B, turn the 3D off and play the game longer (while sparing yourself retinal damage). I'll go 3D sometimes but generally just enjoy the game as it is. My second discontent towards the game is moving the 3DS when you use a ranged weapon, however this feature can be turned off. It's not that I don't like it, it just takes the accuracy away as opposed to using the stick to aim.

Now, pros. The graphics received a MASSIVE update, it's basically like carrying a Gamecube in your pocket. Seeing the game I loved so much as a kid revitalized in that way was oh so satisfying! A few simple changes to the game making use of the dual screens also made the experience better. Now you have a larger map on display the entire time, which really makes navigating easier compared to using a mini-map. The item and gear pages don't take as long to access and manipulate, as you can just poke what you need and get back to the game. Also, in the style of Wind Waker and Twilight Princess, the Iron Boots have been made into an item, not equipment. Also, instead of only 3 item slots to use on the go, you've been given 4: X and Y for two, and two on the touch screen. This is great for organizing what you use frequently, and what you should have on you but don't want to risk using accidentally. I think this system was very clever, and the touch screen features made a good game even better. One final comment: they've tweaked some of the cutscenes in the game to feature more close-up images, in an attempt to make use of the 3D feature. While this does sound a little lame, even with the 3D off, the revamped cutscenes are very cool indeed.

So, that's my little nerdgasm over Ocarina of Time's remake. Not much left else to say, except if Nintendo was planning to do the same thing for Majora's Mask, I would certainly not object.

I'm back! + a little chat about Minecraft.

I doubt anyone missed me, because only... 3 people ever read this blog while I posted actively. In case any of those 3 people did, I apologize for my absence. I'd say that I was too busy to post, but the truth of the matter is I kinda just forgot about this page entirely... anyhoo, I've recently created a Twitter account, hopefully I can make some friends on there, get some views, you know, yadda yadda.

Now, getting back to the heavily opinionated reviews on games I don't actually own, I'd like to pick at Minecraft (no pun intended) today.

Minecraft is a huge game, lots of things to do, challenges to face, interesting enemies, and just has a certain unique-ness about it. However, I think the price is a little steep. I mean, from the graphic quality of the game, how easily it is to get bored of it, and just the fact that most people (hopefully) have better things to do with their time, Notch is charging a little overboard for Minecraft. Terraria is $10 on Steam, I think Minecraft should be similar in price, maybe $15, but I wouldn't give Notch any more than $20.

Another thing that I don't like about Minecraft is how open it is to mods and other edits. I mean, seriously, Notch is charging way to much for a game, doesn't make it open source, but dangles it in our face, just like that? Seems a tad unfair to me, amigos.

Don't get me wrong, I do indeed love Minecraft. Notch is a great game developer, but still, certain little things about the game irk me.

While we're talking about mining games, let's shift topic to Terraria.

Terraria is about 20x more fun than Minecraft, and about 20x as stupid. Magic miners? This is what people come up with? Terraria is great fun, but the concept is iffy, at best. Also, the crafting costs in Minecraft are reasonable, especially because the items you're searching for are generally scarce. I would not say Terraria's crafting costs are reasonable. Maybe for simple little items, sure, like chairs and walls, housing goods. But when it comes to the armor and weapons, well think. 4 gold ore to 1 gold bar, 8 gold bars to one broadsword. Doesn't sound too bad, but gold can take a very long time to find in the game. Then just the helmet alone takes 25 bars.

Now, I don't want people to get the wrong ideas, I love both games. I'd buy both games if I had a credit card, but that's not the case, so I'll pass. Just, some things in each game irk me, I'm sure most other players would agree. That's all for this post, but I've got a great idea for the next one!

Fellow golf game hater

I showed my newest post to my friend Tyler, as I always do, and I'm happy to hear that I'm not the only one raging towards golf games. Thanks Tyler! ;D

If anyone actually reads this blog, they've probably realized that this is a filler post because I have nothing relevant on my mind. Well... pretty much.

WAIT: I've been loading my brain with E3 videos, trailers, reviews, all sorts of goodies. I'd like to express a few feelings to the things I saw.
A) Halo CE Anniversary: I'd sell my kidney for that game if I needed to.
B) Halo 4: I haven't a clue what the hell their fighting... but I'd sorta like to find out.
C) Assassin's Creed: Revelations: CHECK YOURSELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YOURSELF. Don't stretch this out, man.
D) SoulCalibur V: It's the same f**king game we played on our Dreamcasts about 20 years ago. CUT IT OUT.

GOLF GAMES

A recent conversation with a friend (and by recent I really mean it. This happened a few seconds ago) has reminded me something that I had ommitted from my sports game post: golf games. I understand people are lazy and would rather sit on their ass and munch chips than actually do anything regarding physical fitness, but GOLF GAMES? Golf is not hard, if anything it's relaxing and classy. Unless you get a bunch of rednecks on the golf course. Why don't they put that in golf games? That'd be slightly more realistic.

Golf games make everything to easy for you. They tell you the slope of the course, the mph of the wind, some games even give you a preview shot to show u where the ball will go!! Doesn't that sort of take the entire point out of playing the game, if u already know how it's gonna end up?

Sports video games.

Has anyone else ever noticed that sports games, like football, basketball, baseball, soccer, etc., are released every year? Each year, the "revamped" game comes out claiming to be better than the last one. These games start off for sale from $40.00-$60.00, and people are clamouring to waste their money on them. For anyone reading this, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against people who do this. I just think you're morons. Here's another question: Has anyone ever noticed that bargain bins at games stores usually consist 70% or more of sports games from '02 and up? Ever notice you can pick up most of them, including the 2010 versions of most sport games, for about $10.00? A year after launch! And even worse, I've seen older games for as low as $0.99. Call of Duty pumps out games every year, and even they still fetch a pretty penny, even that World of War piece of crap.

So my advice to all those stupid jocks who are too lazy to actually be jocks and just do it from your couch: Wait a damn year. I mean, I know the games suck, but if you're gonna buy the latest crappy game anyway, you might as well wait until the price goes down. Would you rather toss up $60.00 for a game you'll be bored with within a year, or $10.00? Think about that one.

Anime North 2011

I return to the real world with news regarding this year's Anime North, an anime convention in Toronto, Ontario over the last weekend of May. Like last year, the convention was packed with people, most of which had on crazy costumes or silly accessories and whatnot. The panels this year were packed with nerds beyond nerd-dom. It was actually pretty dreadful in some of them. I swear I could smell the pot off the fat bald dude in the first row in the original character making. Wonder when was the last time he got laid.

However, the greatest part of Anime North was deffinately the pictures, and I got lots of'em. I'll be uploading them onto my facebook account, but there's a chance of uploading them here, too. Crazy pictures, loads of costumes. Got  plenty of hugs too. In fact, me and my pal who went with me started a small faction known as the Free Hug Brigade. Simple: Find a person, give'em hugs, walk away. Simple, yet awesome.

Anywayz, believe it or not I do have a life and have a little bit of work to get done, so I'm going to have to end this post on a positive note, which is something I don't like doing. Oh hey, there's the negative again! Score ^^ Bye for now.

Fable: The good, the bad, the completely unnecessary

Fable is an incredibly popular franchise from Microsoft Gaming Studios, produced by Lionhead studios. For those of you who haven't played the first one, but have played the second or third installments, brace yourself. I'm about to hate on you like tornadoes hate trailer parks.

Fable and it's sorta-not-really sequel, The Lost Chapters, offered a unique type of RPG, the first of it's kind. There was very little of this game that needed improvement, aside from the graphics. Have you seen your character's face? Priceless. There was a boasting system, in which you could take bets on your quests, for example saying you can do them without wearing anything. This was an awesome way to make money, especially for more experienced players. More importantly, it was really fun.
Another feature beloved from Fable was unarmed combat, which was removed in later games. While your unarmed attacks were weak, it just plain felt wicked to pound the crap out of your enemies with fists of fury. C'mon, what about kicking Balverines in the face isn't awesome?
One final point: Fable's magic system. There was nothing wrong with it, it was fast, convienient, and you could suck up a little EXP while switching spells. Fable 2's system was similar, but not the same. And the spells in later games were too focused on offense. Support spells like Drain Life, Berserk, Physical Shield, Multi-Arrow, gone. Fable 2 and Fable 3 were FAR too easy, because there was no Mana bar. You could just spam-bam-thank-you-ma'am all you friggin wanted. Where's the damn strategy in that?

Now, don't get me wrong. I enjoyed Fable 3 (not 2. Other than the little Master Chief cameo and the addition of vulgar expressions, that was a disgrace to the series), but there is a LOT that shouldn't have been removed. The games feel too easy now. I still go back and play Fable: Lost Chapters just for the hell of it.

One tiny little thing that ticked me off big time about 2 and 3 is you could change your morality with a snap of your fingers. In Fable, you seriously had to work for it, and even if you could, there were always reminders of your former self, e.g. burn marks where your horns were, faded hair, seriously f**ked up eyes, etc. But in the newer games it's all about looks. Too vain for my tastes, while I do enjoy customizing my character.

That's all I've got for now. If you haven't played the original Fable or Fable: Lost Chapters, go pick up a copy. You'll see what I mean. Trust me.

Rage Dump!!! Final Fantasy XIII

Alright, alright. I'm sick an tired of people ranting on about how different and new FFXIII is. I personally didn't like it that much, but I actually had the gall to try playing it first BEFORE bitching about it! If only the rest of the internet had the same courtesy. I've taken a few minutes to compile a short list of good and bad things about my favourite feature in the game, the Summoning System.

Good 1: Odin.

Odin's new design isn't so much of a new design as it is taking the old design we all love, shining it up a little bit, and tossing him back in. Very well done, not ruffling any feathers. I find it highly unlikely that Lightning could weild Zansetsuken, however, hot chick with massive weapon? C'mon, it's Japan we're talking about.

Bad 1: Bahamut.

While Odin's new design was fantastic, Bahamut's was not. Not even close. Bahamut was loved and widely accepted as a dragon, not 3rd place in a Megatron cosplay contest. While he was fun to fight and is fun to use, I just can't get past the look of him. That, and the new Megaflare look, is terrible. His Gestalt mode is, as mentioned before, fun to play as, but is too much like a Transformer. And yes, I know, all of the summons are like this, but still, Bahamut really hits home, being my favourite Edinolion since Final Fantasy, before he even became a summon.

Good 2: The Summoning System

The Summoning system was well done. It was cool to use, albeit not very useful. It added a unique quality of gameplay, while at the same time keeping the feel of Final Fantasy X's summon system, which was fantastic. If only they kept the look of Bahamut similar...

The Summoning System in Final Fantasy X.

Bad 2: The Summons

While the system was really well done, I can't help but thinkD about how similar the Edinolions look to a Hasbro wet dream. Turing into cars, motorbikes, bigass guns, mechanical dragons, all stuff that's happened before in the on-going war for Cybertron. Another thing that I found disappointing is that XIII replaced the token Fire summon, Ifrit, with something not even close to Ifrit's level of badassery. Seriously. Brynhildr? How the hell do you even pronounce that? Well, as badass as this Autobot rip-off may be, it doesn't fill the hole Ifrit left behind.

That's all I've got for now. Overall, I guess the pros of the summon system outweigh the cons by about a gram. Other than, of course, the summon system is practically useless in the game. Oh well. At least it's pretty.

Angry Gamer's Top 5 Video Game Weapons of All Time!

Video gaming history is riddled with kickass weapons. Some transform, some call forth demons, some are just bigass swords. Either way, video game weaponry is always a welcome topic here. So, I've taken a little time to slap together a quick list of delicious tools of destruction. I'd just like to point out that this list is personal, so if you disagree, you have two options:
1: Leave a polite comment with your opinion
2: Suck it.

So, let us begin :)

#5:Hidden Blade- Assassin's Creed 2/Brotherhood.
This weapon is very simple, yet elegant and deadly. It can be used for stealthy kills, or something a tad... messier. With the gameplay mechanics of Assassin's Creed, it's a grand old weapon. Immensely fun to use. The weapon is low on the list, though, because while it is amazingly cool, it is simple, in use and in plot. Not a whole lot of story behind this, other than the fact that it was a gift from daddy.

#4: Blaze Edge- Final Fantasy XIII

Blaze Edge was something cool and refreshing for Final Fantasy fans. Gunblades have been a popular reoccurring weapon in the series. But this is the first time where it could diversify from ''gun'' and ''blade''. I could put gunblades in general on this list, cuz they're pretty cool. But this refined version is definitely a top contender. (C'mon, Lionheart looked a little silly.)

#3: Soul Edge- Soulcalibur 2&3



I chose these two versions of Soul Edge to take the number 3 spot, mostly because the II version was refined from the original, so you could actually see how badass it looked, rather than seeing a poorly-rendered greenish blob. The III version carried on the badassery, but with a more sinister look to it. That handle is made of bone! Freaky-deaky.

I chose these weapons for the list not only for their appearance, but because of the story behind them. Soul Edge destroys nations, it destroys friendships and families, and it has the potential to destroy the world. It's that kind of dark, brooding, slightly over-used back story that really makes them appealing. The IV version, however, didn't cut it. It shared the story, but lost the look. Sorry pal, gotta have both.






#2: Vampire Killer- The Castlevania Series.

Simon Belmont's ultimate tool of destruction and favourite fetish item, Vampire Killer has been synonymous with badass since Akumajo Dracula was first launched in 1986. This is for a few reasons, much more than just appearance (seriously, it's a leather f**kin' whip!). Vampire Killer is an artifact passed down through generations of vampire hunters in the Belmont clan (with a few exceptions). The whip has a certain modesty to it as well. Taking down hoards of Hell's minions with nothing but a strip of dead cow hide has a certain charm to it.




If you have trouble figuring out the Castlevanian storyline, I'll probably post that later. Just throwing that out there. <3




#1: Red Queen- Devil May Cry 4

Now, Red Queen takes the cake for a variety of reasons. First and foremost, it's unique. How often do you see a gas-powered sword with a handle chop-shopped from a motorbike? Seriously! It's frickin' cool! The Exceed System in the game was truly intense. It was a great high-risk, high-reward system. It left you open for attack, while could crush enemies like flies when used properly. Duh, winning. Furthermore, the sword itself is gorgeous. Look at it. If it were a woman, I'd tap that. Might have some scars to explain after the affair, but it'd be totally worthwhile.

So, that's my list! if you have anything you'd like to share with me, feel free to comment after reading. AFTER reading. Please don't jump the gunblade. 

Castlevania: Lords of Shadow review.

Ahhh Castlevania. Probably one of the greatest games of my childhood. Well, before I noticed the hero was a loincloth-clad man whose greatest weapon was a sex toy.

Lords of Shadow takes all the things that are great about Castlevania, Dante's Inferno, and Shadow of the Colossus, sprinkles a little magic on them, stitches them together, and dips them in a boiling pot of crap. This game was incredibly slow-paced, and far too long. For an example, fighting the Titan in the Lake Of Oblivion might have actually been fun, if it ran at more than 4 frickin' fps.
Perhaps if they didn't plop "Castlevania" in the title, I could stomach this game. It's unlikely, but it's possible. Castlevania games usually offer the player so much more. Circle of the Moon and Aria of Sorrow offered crazy skills like summoning and transformation, respectively.
Here's a little food for thought: ever notice that throughout the entire CASTLEVANIA game, they never ONCE make reference to Dracula, Castlevania, or any Castlevanian plot devices? Not so much as a cameo.
Another thing that irritates me is the Combat Cross. It's a pretty cool weapon, despite the amount of physics errors surrounding it. But what really gets me mad is that it's not technically a whip. C'mon, we're seriously replacing Vampire Killer with a frickin Christian Ghost Rider weapon? Bullcrap.

My overall rating: An insanely GENEROUS 3/10.

One more point of interest: I might go so far as to rate the STORY of the game 7/10, but the gameplay remains at 3/10. (separate scales, don't add those together to get 10. I WILL track you down.) The reason I rate the story so high? The game is narrated by PATRICK F**KING STUART. Pure victory.