Ahhh Castlevania. Probably one of the greatest games of my childhood. Well, before I noticed the hero was a loincloth-clad man whose greatest weapon was a sex toy.
Lords of Shadow takes all the things that are great about Castlevania, Dante's Inferno, and Shadow of the Colossus, sprinkles a little magic on them, stitches them together, and dips them in a boiling pot of crap. This game was incredibly slow-paced, and far too long. For an example, fighting the Titan in the Lake Of Oblivion might have actually been fun, if it ran at more than 4 frickin' fps.
Perhaps if they didn't plop "Castlevania" in the title, I could stomach this game. It's unlikely, but it's possible. Castlevania games usually offer the player so much more. Circle of the Moon and Aria of Sorrow offered crazy skills like summoning and transformation, respectively.
Here's a little food for thought: ever notice that throughout the entire CASTLEVANIA game, they never ONCE make reference to Dracula, Castlevania, or any Castlevanian plot devices? Not so much as a cameo.
Another thing that irritates me is the Combat Cross. It's a pretty cool weapon, despite the amount of physics errors surrounding it. But what really gets me mad is that it's not technically a whip. C'mon, we're seriously replacing Vampire Killer with a frickin Christian Ghost Rider weapon? Bullcrap.
My overall rating: An insanely GENEROUS 3/10.
One more point of interest: I might go so far as to rate the STORY of the game 7/10, but the gameplay remains at 3/10. (separate scales, don't add those together to get 10. I WILL track you down.) The reason I rate the story so high? The game is narrated by PATRICK F**KING STUART. Pure victory.
No comments:
Post a Comment